That Damn Gnome
by Urimizo
Summary: Gnomes are strange little creatures, sometimes they're magical, and other times...they're a major pain in the butt... A non-slash fic revolving mostly around Nick, Ellis, and that damn gnome...


Just a quickie submission so I can actually prove I'm an author on this site, lol. I got this game for Christmas, and while it is pretty difficult, especially since I didn't know where to go the first time around, it was definetly a fun experience, so I'mma see how fun it is writing about the game!

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing mentioned in this story, especially that damned gnome. This is meant to be a parody, meaning as a comedy, I hate that gnome, and if it wasn't for it, I would've been able to get the achievement of completing the Dark Carnival the first time I played it. But at least I won't have to do it with that dwarf ever again!

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The group of four slowly, but steadily made there way into the deserted fairgrounds. A trail of bloodied and desecrated corpses was all that was left of them passing by onto the nearest safe house. That was their goal, no distractions, no detours, just getting to the safe house, where the food was plentiful, and a good night's sleep was almost guaranteed. That was at least how Nick saw it.

The gang of assorted backgrounds and cultures had been traveling for a few weeks now, killing zombies and saving each other's asses. Sure there would be some arguments, but they would always stick to the main objective in the end: Get everyone out alive and safe. That was at least how Nick saw it.

But as the group of four crept into the eerie carnival, a new danger had emerged, more powerful than any other infected they had encountered. And no one had seen it coming.

"Well look at what we got 'ere, they gotta shootin' range, set up and everythin'!" Ellis, the youngest member of the group said in his southern drawl. He walked towards the wooden stand and sure enough, the electrical plugs were all in their sockets, and a small bell sat on the table, awaiting to be rung and start the mini-game.

"We ain't got time for this Ellis, we need to conserve our ammo as it is. NOT waste it on some carnival game." The gambler, Nick, said with an exhausted tone, indicating this wasn't the first time he said something to the mechanic. His other teammates, however, had different opinions.

"Oh come on, Nick, lighten up, we've cleared this area of the last remaining zombies, so we should rest our feet while we can." Rochelle, the female of the group, said sitting on a bench closest to the shooting range. The largest, in size and respect, Coach, sat down under a tree to take off the gear he was holding onto.

"I'm OK with that sister, besides, let the boy have his fun while he can." The bigger man replied to the two, no one knew his real name, but he insisted on them just calling him Coach. So none of them picked at the subject to much.

"Wonder where it starts..." Ellis wondered aloud, slowly walking up and down the old wooden counter before noticing the bronze bell in the center of it. "Bet that should do it!" He hit the bell with gusto as it gave off a responding chime, suddenly, the game came to life as the lights flickered on and some festive music could be heard from the back. His three teammates looked on as the young mechanic hollered and jeered everytime he got a target with his gun, but soon enough, the game ended with a solemn-face Ellis heading back towards his group.

"Had yer fill yet?" Nick asked, in a faked southern accent much like Ellis's real one. Earning him a glare from Rochelle who patted the boy on the shoulder and smiled warmly.

"Don't let him get you down, you know how he is." She rolled her eyes at the thought of it. But the mechanic shook his head looked at her.

"Aw no, it ain't that. I just didn't hit enough of 'em." He went back to the range and pointed at a poster that hung on a wall next to it. "Says here if you hit a good number of 'em, you get a prize!" Rochelle read the poster with a sense of amusement on her face. The other two men walked over and looked at the same poster. Nick groaned in annoyance.

"Come on, if you want the damn prize, just pluck it from the back so we can go already! The zombies have probably heard the gunshots from your first little escapade!" Ellis looked at the gambler questioningly.

"Now wheres the fun in getting the prize if you haven't earned it?" Nick groaned as he sat up against the wall, holding up his head with his hands. Rochelle giggled and turned back towards Ellis.

"If you want the prize so bad, theres no harm in waiting a few more minutes. Besides, we'll help you." She offered, cocking her gun.

"Aw hell, why not? Haven't done one of these in ages anyway." Coach said in his friendly voice. Nick just shook his head and stood against a tree behind them.

"If you guys need me, I'll be shooting actual creatures that actually want to kill me." The only response was the chiming of the bronze bell as the game once again came alive.

After many hollers and whoops, and groans, along with the chiming of the bell a few more times. The three's hard work was paid off as a fanfare could be heard, indicating they had won the game.

"Finally, now we can go..." Nick said, getting up from his spot underneath the tree he had went to when they started their game. Ellis looked at him quizingly again.

"Aw, now come on Nick. You gotta take a break from all the shootin' and killin' and just have a good time!"

"I'll have a good time when I get out of this damn place." He mumbled under his breath.

The four headed in the direction where the poster of the prize was hung up before, a wooden door underneath the poster began to emit a bright light as the sound of gears tumbling an turning could be heard. Slowly, the doors creaked open, revealing the reward for the survivor's time spent on the shooting range.

"Its a...Garden Gnome?" Rochelle gawked. Sure enough, a larger than normal ceramic garden gnome was all that stood in the newly opened compartment. With big rosy cheecks, a permanent smile on it's face, and a hat to top it all off. The tiny sister questioned whether garden decor could be considered a real prize at a fair, just as the others were. However, before they could ponder on the subject any further, a sharp cry rang through the air, an zombie horde was on the way. Coach grimaced and quickly gathered up his supplies as Ellis and Rochelle both reloaded their weapons. Nick looked at the two annoyed.

"Didn't I say we needed to move? Now we got another fight coming at us!" Ellis just smiled firmly and looked at him.

"I never once thought of you as someone who got tired of shootin' zombies." The gambler sighed.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, 'Kill all sons 'a bitches'." He said, quoting the mechanic's words. "Just don't expect me to carry that damn Gnome with us all the way." What Nick didn't know was how wrong those words were, and how difficult the next few hours of escape through that hellish carnival will be. All because of a little garden gnome.

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Well, like I wrote earlier, this is just a quickie, so review how you like it, just don't be a dick about it. And if this turns out good, hell, I might just continue doing it. But only if I feel up to it, which is mostly dependent on you guys. Later! :D


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